On Human Emotions

Today, for the first time in many years, I cried, and I mean actually cried; I felt in the deepest depths of my soul a profound sadness which has been nonexistent in my life for quite some time. I am currently unaware as to where exactly this newfound sadness has sprouted from and where it has gotten its nutrients. I believe it may have something to do with a recent love interest of mine. She, whose name shall not be said as it is rather unnecessary for it to be mentioned at all, would appear to me to be perfect in every facet of her being. She is smart, so very beautiful, funny, quirky, and is so wholly unique that I can only smile when I see her. Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile are two of the most purely enjoyable things that I have ever experienced; if I were ever to feel love's warm embrace I believe it would be something like this. I, however, am unsure of my relation to her; am I simply her friend or am I something more? Am I just a friend temporarily and will become something more in the future? Or am I destined to a platonic relationship with the love of my life thus far. Her emotions elude me; she is, at times, incredibly interested in me and in my interests, and I sense that, but at other times, not so very far apart either, she is distant and seems to not care much about my presence at all. It seems that the mystery of women, something I have eluded for quite some time based on my choice to avoid deep female relations for the most part since my last (as it did not end well), has finally found me, and it is something that I hate to love.